Taking your marbles and leaving

Following the big election 36 states now have secession petitions going, led into this foolishness by the ultra-conservative state of Oklahoma. As of a couple of days ago, more than 13,000 Oklahomans had signed a petition to secede from the United States. The federal government has promised to respond to the petition if and when it has 25,000 signers.

That response will surely be that secession is illegal. Remember the Civil War?

I grew up in Oklahoma, but I’m puzzled as to why Okies are some of the most politically conservative citizens in the country. More than 66 percent of Oklahomans voted for Mitt Romney, and his loss is the most obvious reason some in the state want to leave the union. In 2008, even though he never campaigned there, John McCain captured 65 percent of the Oklahoma vote, the highest percentage in the country with the exception of Utah.

But what would you expect from a state that has given us Oral Roberts, Anita Bryant, and Gary Busey? This is the same kind of thinking that led the Oklahoma Legislature to pass a bill banning Sharia Law.

Let’s have fun with this and pretend for a moment that Oklahoma is its own country. What kind of nation would it be? Here are some Oklahoma laws that might be a clue:

-In 2007, the watermelon was made the Oklahoma state vegetable.

-Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.

-Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

– Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another’s hamburger.

-It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.

-It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.

-People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.

-Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.

-Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine.

-It’s illegal for the owner of a bar to allow patrons to pretend to have sex with a buffalo.

Any questions?