Attack Of The Killer Trees – Flash Fiction For 8/16/13

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Photo copyright Roger Bultot

Photo copyright Roger Bultot

It was late summer when the tree rebellion began, their huge trunks pitched onto cars, houses and joggers.

“It appears our leafy friends have finally had enough of clear cutting, burning firewood, using them for everything from our houses to picking our teeth,” a spokesman for the Nature Conservancy raved.

“Trees are living beings. We shouldn’t be exploiting them.”

Humans reacted with anger, going on rampages with chain saws. The remaining trees were unable to escape their herbicidal frenzy. When the last chain saw was shut down, the country was bare as Easter Island.

Then the kudzu war began.

23 responses to “Attack Of The Killer Trees – Flash Fiction For 8/16/13

  1. Wouldn’t blame the trees for attacking back, but it’s sad about all of them being cut down and an Easter Island-like landscape resulting. And that kudzu war would be really nasty!

  2. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard any early Genesis (Peter Gabriel era) but Peter had a penchant for telling very silly stories, one of which was called The Return of the Giant Hogweed.
    Here it is for your pleasure: http://youtu.be/ASo7dklOTP0

    • I thought you were talking about the Bible for a second, and was like… 1. There isn’t a Peter in Genesis, and 2. I don’t remember hearing about that one in seminary…

      • I think Peter was one of the early, discarded names for Adam — it’s why we use it as slang for penis.

  3. I’ve been at war with cedar trees for a long time, but they’re still a whole lot better than kudzu. I’m not sure a raging wildfire would knock that stuff out. Nice tale, Ron.

  4. nooooo i hope this never happens. i so don’t wanna be strangled to death by green things.
    though the mere thought of war with kudzu filled me with dread, i enjoyed this story 🙂

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