Snakeland

17-gadsden

Once there was a country called Snakeland where snakes were revered and protected by the laws of the land. Snakes were so well-loved that many of the citizens of Snakeland actually kept snakes in their homes. Of course, this sometimes led to accidents, especially when curious children tried to handle the snakes and were bitten.

But snake lovers argued that having the snakes around gave them a feeling of security. If someone broke into their home, the snakes could protect them from intruders.

Soon, a huge business grew up around the breeding and selling of snakes. Patriotic snake collectors enjoyed owning many snakes, and filled their homes with them. People carried snakes in their cars and trucks. Some people carried a concealed snake to protect them from criminals. Huge snake shows were held all over the country to buy, sell and trade snakes.

Snake advocates so loved their snakes that they proposed there should be snakes everywhere, in homes, restaurants, bars, schools, colleges, and even in churches. If snakes were everywhere, everyone would be safe and protected.

Unfortunately, the snakes presented a growing problem. More and more people were getting bitten by snakes. There seemed to be a connection between the number of people who died from snake bites and the large number of snakes in Snakeland.

But snake lovers argued that the snakes were not the problem. People were the real problem. The snakes were just doing what they did naturally. It was just a few isolated crazy snake owners going haywire.

Besides, said snake lovers, the right to own snakes was a time-honored tradition in Snakeland. It was tied to the country’s identity and history.

The snake breeders kept churning out snakes. The rising number of deaths from snakebite actually stimulated their business. When a large number of people were killed by snakes, the public rushed out and bought snakes to protect themselves from other people with snakes.

Eventually, the country was completely overrun by snakes. There wasn’t anywhere you could go that wasn’t rife with snakes. You had to watch where you stepped, because the whole country was inundated with snakes.

Some people proposed putting controls on snakes, but the snake lobby was powerful and had many members. The National Reptile Association had so many politicians snake charmed, the snake crisis was ignored.

The real problem, said the NRA, was television, movies, video games and the mentally ill. Snakes couldn’t possibly be the problem, because they were the very thing that had made Snakeland a great country.

Nobody is quite sure what the future will be like in Snakeland. Every day about thirty people die from snakebites and every few months there is a mass killing by snakes.

The answer is simple say snake enthusiasts– more snakes.

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