White Walls – Flash Fiction for 10/12/12

Photo courtesy Jan Morrill

Carlos looked at the paper with the address. The numbers matched. This was it, a white, walled casa, narrow cobblestone entryway, bright blue trim. He clutched the brown paper bag, inside a full kilo of pure white product. He just wanted to make the exchange, get the money and get out of there. Inside his boot, the switch blade ready in case they tried to rip him off. Hearing clicks on the stones behind him, he whirled around. A stray dog, skinny, hungry. His heart beating faster, he stalked to the door, knocked, and it swung open. “Ice cream man!”

If you would like to come out and play with Madison Woods and the Friday Fictioneers, click here and follow the instructions.


38 responses to “White Walls – Flash Fiction for 10/12/12

  1. Like most dealers, Carlos works hard to hook children at an early age. First vanilla, then chocolate, leading up the hard stuff–butter brickle. Oh, I’ve seen his kind before. Pretty soon they’ll come running every time he rings a bell, just like trained animals at the circus. Well done, Ron. Well done.

  2. Amazing how easily we fear our surroundings (and, as you commented on my post:
    “The man i fear
    most is me
    I can’t get
    away from him.”)
    Good tension here followed by welcome relief.)

  3. Love this Ron!
    Great scene, and the inner feelings of the man are very well described! I was having a deja vu moment reading this! I used to be an easily frightened kid, perhaps that made it easy to relate with the post! Most of the times we are scared for silly reasons. Nice work! πŸ™‚

  4. Ha! Nice twist…of course, I suppose “ice cream” could turn out to be slang or code for some illegal, er, product. And we manage to forget that delivering anything to customers’ homes is a dangerous job – of course he has to think about defending himself.

  5. Yeah, I didn’t realize that “ice cream man” was supposed to be literal until I read the comments. I was thinking it was some street slang Carlos used, lol. Especially because maybe the customer looks forward to using it as a kid looks forward to ice cream. Well, the dual meaning here is interesting.

  6. Hi Ron: Thanks for visiting and commenting on my story but it was posted on last week’s Pretty Balloon story instead of this week’s story titled: AISHA. Just wanted you to know.

    • Hi Rich,
      It’s difficult to mislead other writers. They’re too savvy. I’m sure you got the email from Madison about how she wants to hand it off. Hope you or somebody steps up. I’m too erratic or I would. It’s too much fun to end. Ron

      • have not seen that e-mail yet, but someone else mentioned it to me. i don’t think i can master the technology well enough to get that done. but i would be proud to do it – if i’m capable.

  7. Okay so in my dark mind, ‘ice cream man’ was his street moniker and it really was drugs. So now I see it could really have been ice cream which apparently was too literal for my twisty mind to catch.

    But aside from my ambiguous reading, the white product in the white alley, everything looking clean and pure and sterile, worked together quite nicely.

  8. Sorry, Ron, but I felt cheated by your twist. You just seemed to be too specific with “a full kilo of pure white”. I loved everything else about your story including the name of your protagonist. But why is every drug dealer called Carlos? I know a Carlos and he is a heck of a worker, and a devoted family man. I don’t think he’s ever tried an illegal drug in his life. But he sure does enjoy his cerveza!

  9. Pingback: 031 – Weekend « Baba Amor's Thoughts

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