Photo courtesy Madison Woods
“Look, on that rock, a dragonfly. Pretty.”
We were sitting alongside a beautiful mountain stream. We were on vacation, but it hadn’t been much fun.
“I think it’s a damselfly.”
She frowned and picked up a pebble and tossed it in the water. The damselfly, or dragonfly, flitted away, leaving only the murmur of water moving over rocks.
“You’re always doing that.”
“What?”
“Always correcting me.”
I kept my mouth shut. Grasshoppers sawed in the summer air. She stood up.
“I’m going back to the cabin. I need some space.”
That was the day I first thought about killing her.
Regarding your comments: Please feel free to honestly say whatever you want about my stories. Insightful criticism makes the writing better. Misguided criticism I just ignore. The only problem is sorting out which is which.
bridgesareforburning 
Hahaha! I love it! What a great last line! Lovers? Sister and brother? Annoying friend? Good one!
Forgot! Here is mine~
A surprising twist to a fine story. Mine is here and linked too: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/21/fridayfictioneers-the-omen/
funny. Very nice 🙂
Good one, Ron. The last line cracked me up. I loved your comment on mine about the ticks & chigger. Maybe you should change the name of your blog to “Bites are for Scratching”
Oh, by the way, your title is hilarious too.
here’s my link for others http://russellgayer.blogspot.com
nice realistic dialog, sir.
It’s all so normal until, “Grasshoppers sawed in the summer air…” foreshadows the change.
It wasn’t just the grasshoppers that sawed the summer air (which is a great expression by the way). The tension between them could split an atom.
Mine: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/21/a-silent-moment/
Liked your story. There’s a lot of truth here to this one. So realistic! Sounds like they could use some marriage counseling. A little mutual patience and understanding would do wonders. Ha! Mine is here: http://jemj47.wordpress.com
Love the last line, so telling of the relationship between the two.
My attempt: http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/06/22/devils-darning-needles/
Hmmm…sounds like there is a good back story there!
Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/06/22/flash-friday-fiction-6/#entry
I too found it realistic but… as bad as that? Well, really, I understand how she feels as well. But that’s all part of good writing, isn’t it? Good story.
Here’s mine http://www.hazelroselooms.com/wordpress/
Whooo…someone is going to sit before an empty dinner plate tonight and if I were her, I would go to sleep with one eye open. A vacation turned sour. I’m on the list and here: http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
Climactic ending, makes me want to read the novel. Unexpected twist. I like how you keep leading the reader along until the very last sentence, and then the hammer comes down, perhaps literally.
Who’s the villain here? He sounds almost psychotic wanting to do away with her because she doesn’t like to be corrected constantly. The sawing grasshoppers seem almost like a worplay foreshadowing. I’d definitely lock the door. Of course, a saw would make that ineffective. I guess it’s obvious where this story is taking me. Too late for family or marriage therapy?
Lol!
I wonder how many times the thought has crossed since that fateful day! 🙂
Enjoyable and light post! Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Parul
Sinister! When did he actually start planning it? I like this. It seems so real. The only bit that mightn’t be something that we have all lived is the last line. But, on the other hand, we don’t always know what is going through other people’s minds, do we? My story’s on the list.
Oh dear, you have a realistic dialogue here and I feel for them both. I hope this is just a tiff and they work things out!
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/06/22/friday-fiction-the-crossing/
That was a very realistic exchange with some pretty dark foreshadowing in the last line. I’m one of those people who catch themselves always correcting…it really is irritating to some people. LOL. So your little story hits close to home with me, too…except for the plotting to kill part!
I didn’t see anything to crit. Very clean and precise, excellent mood and scene setting. One fine little story seed if you choose to pull it out later for expansion.
wow — ends with a powerful punch.
Dear Ron,
You are a master of the last sentence jaw dropper. Love it. So real. So true to life.
I think what you wrote often when I am interrupted. Trying not to act on it.
On another subject, i read your roots post and was intrigued and entertained. Ever see the Norman Rockwell painting of the family tree? Trouble with going too far back is you finally figure out that you’re related to everyone.
I’m related to Burt Rutan and Robert Burns among others. It’s fun and makes me wish I had a time machine.
Thanks for visiting my kaleidoscope.
Aloha,
Doug
‘Grasshoppers sawed in the summer air’ is a great line, but not as good as ‘That was the day I first thought about killing her.’ I wonder if this individual is decisive or will wallow in the harbored hate…