Damsel in Regress – Flash Fiction for 6/22/12

Photo courtesy Madison Woods

“Look, on that rock, a dragonfly. Pretty.”

We were sitting alongside a beautiful mountain stream. We were on vacation, but it hadn’t been much fun.

“I think it’s a damselfly.”

She frowned and picked up a pebble and tossed it in the water. The damselfly, or dragonfly, flitted away, leaving only the murmur of water moving over rocks.

“You’re always doing that.”

“What?”

“Always correcting me.”

I kept my mouth shut. Grasshoppers sawed in the summer air. She stood up.

“I’m going back to the cabin. I need some space.”

That was the day I first thought about killing her.

Regarding your comments: Please feel free to honestly say whatever you want about my stories. Insightful criticism makes the writing better. Misguided criticism I just ignore. The only problem is sorting out which is which.

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22 responses to “Damsel in Regress – Flash Fiction for 6/22/12

  1. Good one, Ron. The last line cracked me up. I loved your comment on mine about the ticks & chigger. Maybe you should change the name of your blog to “Bites are for Scratching”

    Oh, by the way, your title is hilarious too.

    here’s my link for others http://russellgayer.blogspot.com

  2. Who’s the villain here? He sounds almost psychotic wanting to do away with her because she doesn’t like to be corrected constantly. The sawing grasshoppers seem almost like a worplay foreshadowing. I’d definitely lock the door. Of course, a saw would make that ineffective. I guess it’s obvious where this story is taking me. Too late for family or marriage therapy?

  3. Sinister! When did he actually start planning it? I like this. It seems so real. The only bit that mightn’t be something that we have all lived is the last line. But, on the other hand, we don’t always know what is going through other people’s minds, do we? My story’s on the list.

  4. That was a very realistic exchange with some pretty dark foreshadowing in the last line. I’m one of those people who catch themselves always correcting…it really is irritating to some people. LOL. So your little story hits close to home with me, too…except for the plotting to kill part!

    I didn’t see anything to crit. Very clean and precise, excellent mood and scene setting. One fine little story seed if you choose to pull it out later for expansion.

  5. Dear Ron,

    You are a master of the last sentence jaw dropper. Love it. So real. So true to life.

    I think what you wrote often when I am interrupted. Trying not to act on it.

    On another subject, i read your roots post and was intrigued and entertained. Ever see the Norman Rockwell painting of the family tree? Trouble with going too far back is you finally figure out that you’re related to everyone.

    I’m related to Burt Rutan and Robert Burns among others. It’s fun and makes me wish I had a time machine.

    Thanks for visiting my kaleidoscope.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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