The Packet – Flash Fiction for 1/27/12

The spy had stepped down from the  train and stood there waiting to meet his contact and pass off the packet. But the conductor and a pesky boy were hanging around. His contact would be spooked.

He waited until the conductor called “All aboard” before giving up and walking for the train. Suddenly he heard footsteps behind him running toward him. He turned as the boy crashed into him and fell to the ground. “Sorry, sir,” the boy said and jumped up and ran.

It was not until he was back on board that he realized the packet was missing.

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26 responses to “The Packet – Flash Fiction for 1/27/12

  1. An interesting take on the picture; I like the idea you create and I’m interested where the story goes next – was the boy the contact or an enemy?!
    Just one thing, I’d probably change “the spy” at the beginning. It oversimplifies things a bit and I think if you just gave us a name, we’d work out for ourselves that it was a spy. Or if you prefer, go with “Agent [name]”, which would tell us without jarring. Just my suggestion though.
    I enjoyed it!

  2. I agree with Elmo–name that spy. Also, I wondered about the size of the packet and where he might be carrying it (in a pocket?) since he did not realize it was missing until he was back on the train.

    I like the way you brought the kid into the story. He looks suspicious.

  3. What I liked about your story was the obvious fact that you had examined each character in the photo prompt and found a place for all of them in a seamless tale of covert action and reaction. Nothing is ever as it seems in life and your tale mirrored that to the extreme. Well told.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  4. Another unique perspective! This prompt, although everyone thought it was difficult, has yielded the most entertaining responses 🙂 Thanks!

  5. Okay now I’m intrigued to whether the boy is a spy or just a pickpocket who gets more then he bargained for – either way your guy has to be feeling stressed. I also thought that you pulled off the movement in this piece flawlessly. Very interesting take on the prompt.

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